


30 seconds/minutes from death

by Apple_Chan



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Fix-It, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slurs, Time Travel, it's not that deep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21914974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apple_Chan/pseuds/Apple_Chan
Summary: "It's ok, you know?" Eddie says slowly as though approaching a deer; said deer being Richie nervously clutching his arm with his right hand. "Being gay that is.""I'm not gay.""I'm just saying it's ok."(In which near death Eddie time travels to his younger self for some final words)
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 86





	30 seconds/minutes from death

**Author's Note:**

> So like, I'm not doing well so I apologize bout the sloppiness of this fic ( I also apologize if the plot is kinda all over the place I wasn't really sure what I was writing at first.).
> 
> I intend this fic to be an open ending on whether Eddie actually got to time travel to his younger self because of the turtle granting him a wish or if it's just a fantasy his near death mind is conjuring up. I will say though if it is the former, you can assume it ends happily with him coming back to a future where he married Richie and survives.
> 
> ALSO, warning before you read the fic, it does have the Q slur and it does have some internalized homophobia, not that much but its still there. A lot of it is based off my own childhood self hate where I deluded myself into thinking anything that was vulnerable was gay so yah.

Pain. Agony. Intense discomfort. These are all the things that Eddie always thought death would feel like; but in reality it was painful for about a minute and a half before his pain bled into a cold ache and a loud thumping in his head (The state of shock he presumes). He was slumped over the cold wet rocks, his head bent slightly towards the remaining losers towering over the deflating clown. He could only really make out blurs of their shapes; he wonders if he should see an optometrist (if he survives, he mulls over, probably not).

He wishes Richie would come back but knows it's important that Richie helps the losers kill that fucking clown once and for all. But still, he wishes. Wishes his last words were more elegant (though he knew Richie would love the humor of it; this might just leave him traumatized by 'yo momma' jokes, who knows). Wishes that he could be over there with them instead of watching alone, clammy and mangled. Wishes he had more time, to do and say the things he could never dream of doing. Overall, he wishes he could start all over instead of feeling his body grow heavier and frigid; contrast to the feeling of his mind (which feels buoyant almost).

"You're just a fraud! Son of a bitch!" He hears someone yell but he can't quite make out who. 

He hears them chanting something over and over and despite not knowing what it is they're yelling out, the chorus helps him fade out. He see's a small turtle resting on the rock near his head and closes hus eyes. The noises growing far and muted; like a solid wall of plastic lays between him and the world. He feels his mind start to sink, separating him from his body that lay still on the ground of Pennywise's makeshift home. He can't see anything anymore but can feel the space around him shift from dingy and moldy smelling to a more warm and familiar smell. A mundane wood smell that he has come to associate with his childhood. The clubhouse.

Eddie forced his eyes open with surprising ease expecting to see the dark cavern that was his to be death bed but instead seeing the wooden boards and dirt that made up the ceiling of the losers' club house. A warm light peering in from the open hatch.

"Aw shit, Eds! Didn't mean to make ya fall out," A somewhat nasally voice spoke from his left. "Did ya hit your head?"

He immediately scowled at the nickname until he really registered who was speaking. His head shot towards the boyish voice with such speed that he reflectively winced and squeezed his eyes at the cramp in his neck he was sure to have. Three seconds passed before he realized no such pain followed his movements and he gradually opened his eyes. 

Only to see the clothed crotch of some kid squatting in front of vision.

"Ugh! Disgusting! Get away! you're too close!" He yelled, his voice seeming too shrill even to his own ears. He quickly rolled over onto his knees and froze at the site of his small, soft hands. 

"Jeez Eddie, just checking if you're fine..." The voice mumbled, stepping back a bit. 

Eddie felt his eyes draw a straight line from his small hands to the dirty black converse then up the gangly pale legs covered in small scratches and khaki shorts to the obnoxious white 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark' t-shirt tucked into said shorts with an equally obnoxious green leaf print button up top. He was kind of scared to look up any further but his need to see him outweighed his confusion and fear. He let his eyes travel higher up to the somewhat concerned expression of his childhood best friend. Thirteen years old and still looking awkward with his too large facial features and his too large limbs. His black messy hair looking like its never seen a brush ever.

"Richie?"

"Eddie."

Eddie stood up in bewilderment expecting to be looking down at the young Richie but instead he feels winded by the towering sight before him, bringing his attention back to his own small, childish body. He looks down at his tan short legs and his even shorter red shorts accomplished by a pale pink polo shirt his mom insisted made him look positively stylish (looking back he probably should have worn longer shorts, Jesus he can't believe he got away with wearing these). He even still had his arm cast with 'Lover' written down on it.

"Holy shit!" Eddie exclaimed, hesitantly putting his hand on his chest feeling the palpitations and his increasingly labored breathing. He can see Richie, young Richie, thirteen year old Richie, in his peripheral vision slowly raising his arms and his brows creating upwards in worry.

"Dude, Eds, do you want me to get your inhaler or something," Richie paced forward slightly, his voice an odd mixture of childish and masculine; on the brick of puberty. Real puberty too, none of that 'i can tickle my weiner now!' bullshit that Richie always spews. Changes in his voice Eddie guesses he never noticed as a kid because of his own pubertal problems. "I thought you didn't have asthma anymore, you know your gazebos or some shit."

Eddie catches his breath enough to glare quickly at Richie's half nervous, half goofy demeanor. He notices it's just them. Looking back to his feet, he isn't sure what to say to Richie or if he should say anything at all. He would probably be wasting his time talking to what he assumes is one of pennywises' many shapes and delusions. One more scare before he goes, he supposes. 

But instead he feels a large, kind of clammy hand begin to rub his back slowly. Eddie glances back up to Richie and sees Richie's now red face staring pointedly at some random dirt pile in the corner of the clubhouse.

"Richie?" He speaks slowly, unuse to his own voice. Richie quickly side glances at Eddie's face than just as quickly looks for that pile of so interesting dirt again. "Are you trying to console me?"

"Aw shucks, Eds, you know me ain't no good with dem big city talks," Richie defaults into one of his impressions earning him a pointed look from Eddie.

"You're smarter than me," He see's a small quirk of Richie's lips. "And console isn't even a big word."

"It's a big word when it's coming out of your small body..."

"How dare you! And hear I thought you were being emotional!" Eddie sputters pushing Richie away weakly only for Richie to bound back towards him, facing him fully with a large grin.

"Being emotional is for queers," Richie states matter of fact. A statement that shook Eddie to his core. "I'm just protecting ya like a big bad ass hero like me should."

(Ah.... Eddie forgot how bad and un-liberal the 80s was). He stares at Richie for a long moment, memories of Richie's compensation of his supposed heterosexual alpha-like sex life coming back at Eddie in an abundance. Probably something he should have looked into more with Richie and his well being but u know fighting a murderous alien clown kind of traumatized him as a teen and made his last 4 years living in Derry somewhat stunted.

"it's ok, you know?" eddie says slowly as though approaching a deer; said deer being richie nervously clutching his arm with his right hand. "being gay that is."

"i'm not gay."

"i'm just saying it's ok."

Richie stares at him then stares at the dirt between them, then back at Eddie.

"Are you?"

"Huh?"

"Are you gay?" Richie asks more firm, kind of aggressive. It makes Eddie wonder how fast he can climb out of this hole in the ground with one arm but he quickly shakes the thought from his head, knowing Richie would never willingly hurt him (Pennywise on the other hand...).

Eddie ponders on the question, never actually thinking about his sexuality before, never needing to when he spent nearly 27 years living on auto-pilot. But he supposes, his lingering eyes on scuplted abs when he's out for runs or his impotence with women in the bedroom might have been huge indications that he was ignoring his own desires. He liked myra, he really did. But in the same way he like his mom. She was safe and he could be safe with her. Married to her. Though he knew his coworkers referred to them as a couple of moes (yes, like the Simpson character. Two pathetically lonely losers who stay with each other out of desperation). So yes, he supposes he's not straight. Gay even. So he shrugs, nods then shrugs again. (Might as well come out, this is just a delusion.)

Richie's mouth gapes open and he awkwardly steps side to side. They stare at each other for a long moment. 

"Uhm," Eddie starts anxiously. "Are you going to say anything?"

Richie shuts his mouth and then opens it several times. He waves his arms up and down as he flounders to make a sentence.

"Richie, it's f-"

"That's hot."

They speak at the same time but out of all the things Eddie expected Richie to say, that was not one of them. 

"Huh?" Now Eddie knew this had to be some weird sort of weird death fantasy. Though Eddie felt slightly dirty with his fantasy being with Richie and him as children (despite knowing that this was the richie he was most familiar with, it still felt weird).

Richie shrugs nonchalantly, his goofy aura showing itself slightly.

"I don't know, kinda hot thinking about you getting all bothered by other guys." Eddie wasn't sure if Richie was admitting to being a cuck or if he was trying to say that Eddie being gay turned him on, either way it sounded definitely not straight.

"I thought you said you weren't gay?"

"I'm not."

"What? How does that make any sense?!" Eddie felt a dull thumping in the back of his head. 

Richie shrugged again (seems shrugging is his favorite pastime beside pissing Eddie off). This time, his face was a deep red and his eyes seemed to be trying really hard to stay looking past Eddie's shoulder. The thumping got louder.

"You know," Eddie started, Richie's eyes focusing on Eddie's mouth. "You're a lot cuter than I remember."

Richie's face couldn't get anymore red as he laughed nervously and sat down roughly, rubbing his hands together.

"Don't joke Eddie..." Richie then pulled a large fake grin that contrasted with his flustered face and slightly wet eyes behind his coke bottle glasses. "You're not suited to be a comedian."

"No, but you are," Eddie wasn't sure why he was flirting with Richie but the slowly quickening thumping in his head made it hard to rationalize anything outside this most definitely a fantasy situation (and by that Eddie means there's not much to lose). "Gonna be a huge, famous comedian... People are gonna love you..."

"Aw shucks, Eddie..." Richie grins stiffly, obviously unsure of what to say for once.

"I'm gonna love you..." Eddie trails somewhat shyly but Richie gawks.

"Uhh," Richie stands awkwardly again and slightly shuffles backwards towards the ladder. "Eddie, I've got a bit of a stomach ache... I should go."

"Wait!" Eddie yells scaring them both. Richie stands still and Eddie moves towards him quickly, softly grasping his sweaty hands with his own smaller but just as sweaty hands. "I don't really know if this is real.."

Richie squints at him in confusing, cheeks burning.

"But even if it's not, I want you to know that I care about you... Like a lot. More than I should probably... And I'm sad i forget you... And I'm sad we don't have a life together even if it's platonic," eddie blabbers quickly, the thumping growing so loud he can't even hear his own thoughts and the edges of his sight fade black (This is it isn't it?). "I like you, love you even... Even though you're not that funny." 

Richie makes an offended face before his face softens and he grips Eddie's hands back. He opens his mouth to say something back but before Eddie can hear anything his conscience is ripped from his body. 

He feels the same lightness as before as he feels his mind shift again, this time slower. He wonders if this is him finally dying. At least he can pretend his fantasy had some sort of impact on life. Pretend his last words were more meaningful. That he actually pursued something for once in his life. He feels himself grow heavy like he was sleeping, feels the last bit of his conscience weigh down on him. Either death or a better life awaits him (or maybe a hospital bed).

**Author's Note:**

> ....and that was it lol.  
> Again, sorry if there's any mistakes I wrote this on my memo app on my phone in an hour so I kinda just sped thru it.
> 
> Also sorry if Eddie or Richie seem ooc, Eddie literally thinks he's dying and this is a dream so of course he's gonna do things he wouldn't do IRL and richie is being awkward cause hes being confronted with things he actively avoids. (At least in MY CANON) 
> 
> Originally the idea for this fic was to have richie post chapter 2 find the turtle and ask to go back in time to live (love) the way he wants to which brings us bill hader adult Richie mentality in finn wolfhard child Richie shape actively trying to right the future and save both Eddie and stan and ofc the other losers from shitty futures. But alas,,, I can't write multi chapter fics ;((( if only someone else liked this idea enough to do it << >>


End file.
